May 30, 2013

It's been 8 days and i finally have my first P-Day. much needed. Shout out to all those who have sent me packages and letters!! It feels like Christmas and I go down to the mailroom singing "i got a package, i got a package, i got a package hey hey hey hey!"

This is the most exhuasting thing I've ever done - yet the most REWARDING thing i've ever done. You get out of the MTC what you put into it, and I feel like I really am honestly putting my all into it. I've already seen the blessings of putting in your all. I try to pay attention to every word and soak in every second - but i don't have a big enough sponge to soak it all in. I'm hoping the spirit has a backup sponge hes going to surprise me with later. I've never prayed so much in my entire life. Minimum probably 15 prayers a day and thats not counting all the times i pray in my heart. Between morning and night, meal times, before and after lessons w/ investigators - im not exagerating with the 15 number. I LOVE my companion! Sis Klecker is awesome - shes FROM Boston poor thing and is going back! But im the luckiest missionary because i get the inside scoop on everything! I've learned so much and i wish i could write forever but i got 20 min left on the clock so i'll try to make it count. Here is a few principles i've learned with some stories:

 

1. Theres a difference between disapointment and discouragement:

      Discouragement prohibits success and you lose the spirit...but i figured out that its healthy every now and then to feel dissapointed - it means you love the people you are teaching as christ would. the other day we taught i man named George  - he is missing a leg. Yes he is a fake investigator but his story is REAL. and the lessons feel so beyond real. As we were teaching George he was telling us his story (key to missionary work: stop talking, start listening) and i have no idea what the heak came over me but I thought to share the scritpure in D&C 121 "peace be unto you...burdens will be but a small moment.." I said, "George, I don't know nearly what you have gone through and i dont think I ever will. But i want to let you know that i admire you because you are strong and you are doing the best you can, i can tell. Though i dont know a fraction of what you may feel, at times in my life when i've felt lonely and burdened, this scripture gave me so much peace because I know there is ONE who does know every single piece of how you feel. Guys - this is real - i started to cry as i said this. I was trying to stop but the tears kept coming and i turned to the scripture but had to hand it over to Sis. K because i knew i woulnd't be able to read it coherently. Surprisingly - i left the lesson feeling....dissapointed. You may think what? you were crying the spirit was there! you are wrong. The spirit was there but somtimes as missionaries we feel the spirit more than our investigators - that is not good. i wanted to change HIS life! thats why im here! and instead he changed MINE. But i was not discouarged - it took a minute to get back  into reality but I was able to move on.

 

2. WHO you are is more important than WHAT you are teaching

     I felt unprepared to go into the MTC and felt like i couldve shouldve done more - but what i realized was is that ive been working my entire life to try to come closer to the savior. and thats what its about. yes we read the lessons and its important to know them - but we are here to invite people unto christ and you cant do that without knowing who Christ is. Its a hard balance when studying sometimes because you need to study for your investigators but you also need to study for yourself. We had a wonderful wonderful devotional by Elder Zwick who taught us the analogy of how they build temples is the same way Christ builds us. Focus on Christ and youll be able to better help the people because you will love them as christ does.

 

3. We are walking miracles

     and its because of CHRIST that we are! It is the biggest blessing being set apart. At first when i got set apart, im not going to lie, i didnt feel anything. I was still Lori Bell. The first day of the MTC: still Lori Bell. Then in one of my lessons that night or the next the teacher said, "When you got set apart, the Stake pres. may have put his hands on your head...but you better believe it was the Saviors hands on your head." That hit me so hard. I realized who I am and had a better understanding of my purpose. I am a physical representative of Jesus Christ. When I walk into a room to teach someone, it better be the savior sitting down. When I bear my testimony and share of Christ's love for someone, it better be the savior saying the love he has for them and bearing his testimony. i hope you all understand what you mean and it is not coming out disrespectful. That is what we are taught and it is true and each one of us as members of the church should feel the responsibility that even though you may not be set apart, you took upon yourselves Christ's name when you got baptized and you better believe when you are walking down the aisle of the grocery store that you are walking, talking, and acting in a manerism that Chirst would be honored to have your represent. I FEEL SO HONORED. Every night I have to thank my heavenly father with all my heart for the trust he has in me to represent his son's name. The biggest responsibility, the biggest blessing. Another miracle is ive really wanted to rememorize JS vision (i say rememorize because obviously my short term memory brain forgot it in seminary days). I was waiting for my comp to get out of an interview and decided thats what I should work on. ITS A MIRACLE - I walked out of that room having it memorized. I am a walking miracle...and it is because of the spirit and it is because the Lord knows I am trying my hardest every day and being exactly obedient.

 

4. I am my parents daughter

    Dad - i am you. and it is scary....but i am honored i guess :) i feel like you when i just want to step in the hallway and snap my fingers and i want to say "everyone in the car or im leaving without you. if youre not 10  minutes early youre late." In my head i really say,"When it says on the schedule study at 7 - i mean get out the door at 6:50 so i can be in my seat at 6:55 so i can have opened my books by 7." Some are still learning that and its been very good for me to take a deep breath and practice patience realizing everyone is on a different level. But things are very very good - i dont want that to sound like its not. and dad i mean that in a good way - that you poor thing i know has had to develop patience with us women and i admire you for it. Mom im your daughter because i've never had i greater appreciation and testiomony of sister beck: "recognizing and acting upon Personal revelation in this life is the single most important thing". I totally butcherd that. you know what i mean. Ive never gone by the spirit so much in my entire life - ive rewritten lesson plans and thown lessons plans completely out the window.

 

I hope you all have been able to apply these principles to your own life! Know that i am having the time of my life! Havent gotten homesick yet and hvaent cried except for when i told you so i think that means im a rockstar. Thanks for all your support, love and prayers. The church is absoltely true. Come unto christ and it will change your life.

 

Love,

Sister Bell

 

Keepin it real - because it IS real....all of it.